Along Kiambu Road, past the malls and flower farms, there's a closed golf driving range. The lights are off. The astroturf is worn. But the hitting nets still stand, tall, strong, and private.
She has the gate code. “I used to work here as a beer cart girl,” she says, pulling up her skirt. “I always wanted to use the nets for something more interesting.”
She leads you to the farthest bay. The net surrounds you on three sides. A bucket of forgotten golf balls sits nearby. She pushes you onto a pile of old practice mats.
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She kneels, unzips you, and takes you in your mouth while a night guard's radio crackles in the distance. Then she turns, grips the net, and bends over. You enter her from behind. The net shakes.
“The mesh is strong,” she whispers. “Pull it harder.”
You do. The net rattles. She clenches. A golf ball rolls under your foot. She speeds up. She comes with a gasp that echoes off the empty range. You follow, emptying into her as a metal pole groans.
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She picks up a golf club and swings it at an imaginary ball. “Same net tomorrow? I'll bring a dozen Pro V1s – and a blanket.”
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Quick chip (20 min) – Fast, dirty, and back to your car.
Full fairway (1 hour) – Rolling naughtiness on astroturf.
Overnight hole‑in‑one – She stays until the first birdie.